I’ve found a new insight about myself - I'm not enjoying baby clothes shopping. Given my personal interest for fashion and shopping I thought I would become one of those mums-to-be that would go bankrupt on buying the whole baby department at TSUM before the baby was born. But walking around the aisles of onesies and cute beanies I didn’t feel any particular urge to buy anything. At first I thought something was wrong, because it feels like all mums-to-be are crazy about baby clothes even before they become pregnant. But then I took a deeper look inside myself while holding a onesie, and realized that for me empty clothes is a bit scary. I mean, clothes are for wearing, you’re supposed to look at them in 3D as a person fills them up. Not in 2D being all flat and lifeless.
Then suddenly I was hit by a flashback from my childhood, from when I was about 4 or 5 years old. We lived in a typical Sovjet building in Riga, a small 3-room apartment where my family, consisting of 7 members, lived together (me, mum, dad, grandma, grandpa, uncle and my cousin. Yeps, that’s how most people lived in Sovjet back then). Just like any typical family in those days my mum would work quite a lot to sustain the family budget, sometimes even traveling abroad, while me and my cousin were watched and raised by my grandma (Babushka). Babushka did a great job in raising us and my cousin and I had a lot of fun together, being almost the same age. But occasionally I would of course miss my mum. When I really missed her I would go to the closet where she kept her clothes and smell them, as the scents reminded me of her. And there they were, mums 2D clothes hanging lifelessly in the closet. Although I liked the scents of them, the 2D skirts and blouses reminded me of the fact that she was not there.
That was about the same feeling I had about the empty onesie I was holding in the store. It’s fascinating how we can fly back in time and find explanations to our ways of reacting to things in our adulthood. That self-psychoanalysis I involuntarily went through helped me understand that I am not a bad mother, instead I just really have a thing for empty clothes.
Next to the baby clothes in the store I spotted the stuffed animals department for newborns and suddenly felt very drawn to them. And there it was, the urge to buy. I wanted to buy a present for my baby boy, his first stuffed animals that would wait for his arrival. And the best thing of all - they come in 3D!